Bad news.

You’ve been doing copywriting wrong for years.

i mean like you’ve basically been serving up snail dick for your readers. THEY DON’T WANT THAT.

Speak with your voice

People don’t want to read something that took you hours to write out. You end up overthinking it and taking forever to get to the point.

But when you speak, BOOM!

If you’re tired of being the loser who still uses his hands every night, start using your mouth to finish:

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let me explain, or you’ll just keep doing it:

Most copywriters act like waiters.

They think, “Okay, let me ask my customers what they want.”

But of course, you can’t actually ask every single customer, so you just have to guess.

So you guess:

“Maybe this guy wants eggs.”

“Maybe this woman wants bacon.”

(you’re the weirdo that chose snail dick… why’d you do that?)

And then you end up writing some boring bullshit that sounds like everyone else.

But what you really need to do is become a premium exotic chef.

You don’t walk out and ask, “Would you like the chicken or the fish?”

No.

You walk out like:

“I’m making fucking wild boar, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’re eating it. It’s gonna have weird little balls on it and some insane sauce, and I don’t care if you don’t like it.”

And they always like it.

That’s how you need to write copy.

Not as a waiter.

As the chef.

one caveat:

You can’t just write random stuff people don’t want.

And you also can’t just guess what they want and serve them the same boring slop every other copywriter is serving.

You need to write something extremely new, interesting, and unique…

While still making it exactly what they secretly want.

And the best way to do that is by using ChatGPT properly.

Not like a lobotomized intern.

Like a weapon.

So here’s the prompt:

“Act like a world-class direct response copywriter and market researcher.

I’m writing copy for [insert audience] who want [insert desire] but are struggling with [insert problem].

Give me 20 fresh, interesting, non-obvious copy angles that still connect directly to what this audience already wants.

Each angle should feel new, unique, and attention-grabbing, but it should still be rooted in a real desire, fear, frustration, or belief the audience already has.

Do not give me generic angles.

Do not give me obvious beginner-level ideas.

Give me angles that feel like a premium chef created them, not a waiter taking orders.”

Use that.

Stop writing like a waiter.

Start writing like the chef.

P.S. it was me. I said that. I told you have snail-dick writing

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