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Yo, bro, today I’m reviewing copy, blue text is my comments. black text is the guys.
Subject Line: The WAR in Brainia
Preview: The Epic Battle for dominance
Eh, IDK bro either people will think that’s lit or they’ll not care to hear about history.
Probably they don’t want to hear about history
ONCE upon a time, in a land called BODYa there were many nations who lived in harmony.
WHY are you CAPALIZINg random worDS?
Each nation was responsible for taking care of the various parts of Bodya.
The most powerful nation in Bodya was the Great BRAINia.
Bro if this is a fitness email I’m gonna loose it
Brainia was a complex and well structured society with many leaders who decided the fate of every region in Bodya.
Honesly I could careless about BODYA BRAINA and SUCKAMADICKA
Two of its chiefs were AMYGDALA and FRONTAL.
Amygdala was the leader of the fear warriors. His leadership was terrifying and whenever he struck with his elite team of fear warriors, all of Bodya would enter the state of lockdown.
BLOOD rivers would ran amok.
Bro wtf is going on bro please give us some context
There would be quakes and everything that happened in body would just shut down.
FRONTAL was the more gentle leader.
He was diplomatic, eloquent and easy going.
Because these two were major leaders of Brainia and the Bodya at large, they sometimes had clashes with each other.
It all started when the goddess of beauty descended upon Bodya.
😭 bro what am I reading? Is this a wakanda rip off?
Her beauty invoked the desire of everyone including the two leaders of the Brainia nation.
The violent and fear inspiring Amygdala quickly gathered his warriors and shut down all of Bodya so no one could challenge him in his pursuit of the goddess of beauty.
Frontal the ever peaceful one tried to woo his way into the goddess’ heart with his gentle words.
However, Amygdala’s team had grown too powerful since he made the first move and obstructed Frontal’s advances.
Eventually, all of Brainia was captured under Amydala’s tyranny and this extended to all the other nations of Bodya.
The goddess of beauty was repulsed by the turn of events and left Bodya.
Her departure brought great grief and self destruction to the confidence of the nations in Bodya.
%Firstname%, this is what happens in the Brain when you meet someone you like for the first time.
Should’ve given some context and made this whole story shorter
SO many people will’ve been confused by now bro
The Amydala which is the fear center, hijacks the brain and causes it to shut down as a natural defense to the body.
BOOORRRINNNGGGG
This prevents the Frontal lobe responsible for speech and logical reasoning from acting to help you interact with confidence.
Yawn.
The actions of the amygdala is what results in
sweaty palms,
shivering
inability to speak
and many other abnormalities of the body of a man when he sees a beauty who invokes his desires…
Why is your tone my 6th grade biology text book bro
Just because you’re talking about “complex” stuff doesn’t mean you need a complex vocabulary to explain it.
Actually, you should explain things in a casual and fun way so that people don’t get bored and click off
Or even when they try something out of their comfort zone for the first time.
This usually leaves you frustrated and gives a blow to your confidence.
Reading this sentence feels like eating chicken without seasoning. (i don’t like eatin bland ahh chicken)
However, it doesn't have to be this way %Firstname%.
cliche
Inorder to get this situation under control, the body must move.
Movement prevents the amygdala from shutting down your logic reasoning.
When the body moves to its target, the brain now scrambles to find what to say.
So instead of having this weird medieval times african tribe ahh story, explaining complex scientific concepts and gonig through the psychology of why someone is a bitch…
Why don’t you just say count to three and go and walk up to them without thinking about it?
This whole email is fluff
That's what makes most Charismatic men are active and most confident.
This sentence is so cooked bro.
That's what makes most charismatic men active and most confident.
I tried to fix it but tbh I got no idea what this means
I think it’s that most charismatic men are active and that’s why their confident
And they usually get the girl.
Why does everyone…
Stop writing their sentences,
Halfway through.
Their sentences?
This isn’t the way english works
So if you want to know how to turn your brain from a war zone into a fiesta and boost your confidence and charisma…
What does my brain being a war zone mean?
What does my brain being a fiesta mean?
And also Get The Girl, then…
Click here to find out more
Best,
Tristan.
FINAL NOTES:
Cut the fluff bro no one wants to read 300 words of slop for no reason. But good job I can tell you put work into this, and I don’t want to down anyone who’s trying
Right sprit, just take these comments and you’ll do very good,
peace
John
P.S. I’ve used the news to get almost all of my newsletter ideas. if you have trouble with writer’s block, YOU HAVE TO TRY…
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