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Hey {{first_name|bro}},

Yo WSG I’m reviewing another piece of copy today, here it is:

SL: CEOs are bathroom hiding champions

Weird… IG it might work for a certain type of audience, but off the bat it isn’t looking good.

Hey %FIRSTNAME%,

Last Tuesday at a Denver conference,

Trash formatting make a real sentence

I watched a CEO duck into the bathroom.

For the third time in 90 minutes.

Very weird and you haven’t mentioned me a signle time. Why would I keep reading or even open this email?

You’re putting all your faith in this poorly formatted story about a guy going to the bathroom, let’s see if it pays off.

The CEO wasn't sick.

The CEO wasn't checking her hair.

The CEO was hiding from a guy talking about his pickleball league.

And honestly?

Relatable.

WTF is this email bro. How is that relatable at all

Here's what nobody tells you about "confident" people:

AI ahh

Confident people feel awkward too.

Confident people just know how to USE awkwardness instead of dying inside.

Over 8 years, I've analyzed 2,400 networking conversations.

(Yes, I'm fun at parties.)

breaks flow fluff, I know what you’re trying to do but you need to put it somewhere else or take it out

And here's the pattern I found:

People who say "Sorry, I just blanked" are 3x more memorable.

More memorable than the smooth talkers who never miss a beat.

Please fix this horrible formating

Why does admitting a brain-blank work so well?

Because perfection is forgettable.

But the person who admits their brain just blue-screened mid-sentence?

That person sticks in your memory.

That's the whole idea behind "Break the Silence."

I'm convinced awkward moments are your biggest networking advantage.

Not something to avoid.

Something to weaponize.

Read this twice to make sure, the flow is trash and it’s kinda weirdly told, so it’s kinda unclear

Inside the book, you'll get the "Awkward Reframe" method that CEO uses.

Didn’t build enough intrigue in the right way

You shouldn’t have talked about the “sorry, I just blanked bit,” it throws things off. You should talk about how you can actually formulate these “awkward situations” on purpose.

Because right now you’ve kinda just told me that being awkward is good.

I don’t want to end up like the CEO toilet guy whos too scared to talk about his pickle ball team

why was that even included?

you could’ve just talked about how you forgot something mid-sentence and then went into all this stuff

like a story lead with your example, not some toilet-lover fairy tale

Plus the exact phrases for when your brain abandons you mid-conversation.

(Brain-blanks happen to everyone. Even Fortune 500 CEOs. Especially Fortune 500 CEOs.)

Click here to grab your copy and turn awkward silences into your best stories.

See you on the other side,

[Your Name]

P.S. - Page 47 has the bathroom escape protocol. No, seriously. There's a whole system.

Not really any NESB, no good explanation of how you’re going to put the mech into place (I left a comment above about this), not enough intrigue, and not enough benefits.

it feels like you rushed the end

and the PS is just weird to me, bro. I feel like you should’ve just skipped that bit as a whole.

Honestly I kind of would’ve liked this product

I’m somewhat of an aqward guy and I really want to get into networking more, you could’ve sold me on this.

But instead you just talked about some sad man hiding in the bathroom.

I never want to end up like that.

this email makes me want to just be more confident, not buy your book.

(I wouldn’t have read past the first line anyway the formatting is trash)

FINAL NOTES:

Sorry, bro, I don’t mean to be a dick, really, but it’s how you get better.

Focus on research more, and figure out what your ICP actually wants. Not just what might sound a bit cool in a headline.

(He he… toilets… let’s write about that)

That’s what I imagine when you wrote the SL

—John

S: 169

T: Leave your copy below… who knows it could end up in tommorows email

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