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Hey {{first_name|bro}},
Right I’m reviewing copy today, if you want context it’s at the bottom but let’s be honest, most of you guys don’t care about that.
Also if you just want to read the copy by itself before you read this, here’s the doc:
(You can leave comments too if you want.)
SL: The Pink Shirt Incident!
SL2: It just can't get the girl!
SL3: Why you're so lonely!
SL2 isn’t grammatically correct, bro tbh I can tell this email isn’t going to be the best by the SL’s.
They just look kinda scammy tbh. Without the exclamation point they’re just boring.
But you def need to take out the exclamation points, they don’t fit.
Yo %Firstname%,
Ever watched other guys effortlessly connect with beautiful women
while you're stuck in your own head?
The “effortlessly” sounds like AI and the “beautiful women” sounds really weird.
especally sense this guy who you’re writing for is basically a instagram pick up artist.
I’m not saying you can’t use it, but idk it’s just weird here.
People don’t talk like this in real life.
I think it’s because you’re learning english and it’s hard to discribe this, but it just doesn’t sound normal, it sounds like a reddit mod’s creepy text to a underage girl
this sould sounds like a sleazy “seduce hotties!” ad.
And on top of that you broke your sentence in half for no reason.
Guys please…
stop writing…
sentences….
like this…
where you break…
in weird spots…
for no…
reason.
I've been there.
A couple years ago, I was the guy who would see a beautiful girl,
freeze up,
and suddenly find my phone's weather app fascinating.
Now I’m convinced the only reason you used “beautifiul girl” is because you can’t think of any other word to discribe a cute girl.
the last THRID of your sentence that for some reason you split off, is good.
I'd create entire relationships in my head with women I never said a word to.
I remember putting on a pink shirt one day because I was feeling confident.
Bro you just randomly switched, you need to have a transition.
At Target, a gorgeous girl walked up and said, "Oh, I like your shirt."
Gorgeous girl is alright but tbh it’s still weird
Guess what?
My face flushed red.
I managed a weak "thank you"
Then proceeded to stare dumbly at her.
She walked away, disappointed.
And I just watched her go, screaming internally:
‘JUST F*CKING SAY SOMETHING!’
Nothing came out.
bro fix your formatting what is this crap
you need to have full sentences and normal lines.
That's when I realized: this isn't who I want to be.
So here's what I did:
I stopped overthinking and just moved.
“me, me me” … I’m bored. When are you going to talk about ME?
If a lady caught my eye, I’d literally just walk toward her before my brain could start screaming “abort mission!”
No mental prep. No imaginary script.
Just motion.
AI Ahhh
no this, no that… just something
AI always does that shi
I’m not saying you can’t use it but this bit doesn’t need it
I’d say “Hey”
Then throw in a simple compliment like “You’ve got a great smile,”
And then just... let it flow.
Oh great value bro…
all the socially akward porn-addicts are now just going to start picking up chicks left and right because you told them to “let it flow.”
That advice is gonna get half of them in jail bro 💀
Most times it turned into a real conversation.
Sometimes it didn’t.
But every time, I walked away feeling a sense of accomplishment.
Fast forward to today: I genuinely enjoy meeting and talking with beautiful women.
Not because I became a different person.
But because I learned the specific mental frameworks that turn anxiety into authentic confidence.
I could NOT GIVE LESS OF A CRAP if or if not… you get laid.
PLEASE… talk about me. I don’t care. I clicked on this email to get tips on how to finally stop being a lonely basement dweller…
NOT to get a retired porn-addicts journal entries.
I get you’re trying to tell a story… I get you’re trying to say you’re the shit and you know how to exstange talks with the oppoiste gender…
But can you make it intresting?
Less chice? Less about you? more about me?
Unless I knew ur peronal brand, I would not have gottent his far.
So %Firstname%, if you want to break out of your anxiety of meeting a lady and reclaim that charisma and confidence
You mentioned “and” in this sentence more than me in 3/4’s of the email.
bro this sounds like a 60’s newspaper ad
this the typa ad they’d play on the radio in back to the future 😭
Here's a 48-hr challenge for you
Just say “Hi” to 5 women this week
Give a genuine compliment
Then vibe naturally
Lemme know how it goes (I'll be cheering you on!)
You my friend… are the ALBERT ENSTINE of dating.
Seriously I don’t know how you could’ve POSSIBLY came up with this revolutnary… heck, GROUND BREAKING! … 48 hour challenge.
Never in my enitre life would I have ever dreamed that my peasant eyes would be able to even glance at such liquid gold level advice such as this.
If you can’t tell… I’m being sarcastic. This is the most basic advice one could ever sprout striaght out of their ass
Remember,
The words don't matter nearly as much as breaking the paralysis.
One "hi" is better than a thousand rehearsals in your head.
If you want more tips on building genuine confidence around women,
Follow me @tristansocial
Talk soon,
Tristan
P.S. Tired of replaying missed chances everytime? My 1-on-1 coaching rewires the freeze response for good. Let's talk
FINAL NOTES:
That’s it. The CTA convinced me.
YOU ARE A GAY MAN!!!
Nah I’m js playing but that CTA is one very zesty pile of AI slop.
This email was all about you, extremly basic, and didn’t make me trust you, want to follow you, or buy your 997 course.
The best part about this email is that I don’t have to read it anymore.
All in all, this email wasn’t ACTUALLY that bad. I might have been playing it up a bit.
It’s just sorta below average.
don’t take this personally bro, it’s all jokes. (the gay comments and such lol)
All the comments are valid tho, change everything
Context:
Angle:
Most men deal with the inability to have a fulfilling dating life and authentic confidence around women because of a mindset problem. They overthink or get brain paralysis when approached by a woman. The solution is to rewire your brain to feel genuine confidence around women, by not overthinking but motion.
—John
S: 175
T: Leave you copy if you want it to be ABSOLUTELY PENETRATED THROUGH THE BEHIND