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Hey {{first_name|bro}},
Today we’re reviewing copy from someone who signed up to the list.
Let me know if you want your copy reviewed.
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Sl: Welcome … Can’t think positively?
Kinda weird, I mean I’m guessing that this is some typa “think positive” info course so when they signed up they probably alr knew it had to do with thinking positive.
And besides this should be just sent after they signed up so idk why you didn’t mention the name of the brand you’re writing for instead of “can’t think positively?”
And this is supposed to be a warm welcome not already talking about their problems.
I’d change this to something like… “welcome to [brand name]
PV: Read this if you’re struggling with negative thinking.
I hate “read this” it’s kinda fluff and tbh this PV makes me think this email is a sales email.
Just stick to the normal welcome email SL & PV
Sl: Welcome… This is why you can’t succeed.
Nah
PV: Struggling to achieve fulfillment in your life?
Very weird for a welcome PV
Hey %FirstName%,
Thank you for signing up. This truly shows your desire to change the way you think, and thus your life.
I can alr tell you don’t speak english as your first language or you’re using chat gpt (probably both)
This honestly sounds like a robot
Just say
“Thanks for joining this newsletter.
This shows you’re ready to start changing the way you think and you’re actually doing something about it (unlike everyone else).
So… congrats!”
The idea wasn’t bad (even if you probably just stole it from someone else) but the way it came out in text was, so work on your tone.
Ever feel like you struggle with negative thoughts, can’t believe in yourself, and everything seems hard to achieve?
Not the right time, this is too sudden and sounds like you’re going to pitch me
Don’t worry, my friend, I’ve got you …
I know you deep down want to achieve your goals, but your mindset doesn’t help you at all
What “goals?” this is so broad and the flow is off
It should be… “I know deep down you” not “I know you deep down”
You keep thinking, “Maybe I’m not lucky enough,” or “I’ll fail if I start.”
First one is BS.. do more research
Whereas the reality is …
“Whereas” ? is this a essay or an email?
Make sure you’re getting the tone right because ion think this is what whoever is selling this product sounds like.
Just use BUT
Your goals aren’t impossible or hard to achieve, but the problem is with your mindset.
“The problem isn’t that your goals are hard, the problem is your mindset.”
They already know this, that’s why they signed up.
Besides why are you even yapping about this?
If you keep thinking that way, then sorry, you’ll never achieve your goals
Maybe don’t tell the people who just signed up to your list that they'll never achieve their goals
Success = Positive mindset
Off topic tbh, and this is a whole fluff ahh section
You could’ve just started with what’s below VV
If you want to change your mindset and you don’t know how, then you’re in the right place.
Over the next emails, I’ll show you exactly how to believe in yourself like Thomas Edison, who kept going after 1,000 failed attempts.
I get the analogy but it’s just weird to put it here.
Describe the mindset they’re going to get in a better way and reinforce the benefits of that mindset.
Here’s what you can expect …
1- How to believe in yourself and in everything you do.
2- How to Build new power and determination.
3- How to develop the power to reach your goals.
4- How to Break the worry habit and achieve a relaxed life.
5 - How to Improve your personal and professional relationships
And a lot more …
SHould’ve just said here’s the type of emails you can expect in the future and talked about the type of email not exactly whats inside of the email if that makes sense
PS: keep an eye out for your inbox. “ This is what successful people do to lose,” where I’ll show you step by step how to believe in yourself like no one did before.
SHould’ve told them to drag in primary
FINAL NOTES:
This email is like if a direct response and a welcome email had a mutated baby that didn’t make it past 6.
Chop out the part where you’re yapping about problems, add in what type of emails they can expect and maybe talk about your values or how whatever this is got started
Also, get an ICP this email is trash because you haven’t done your research so there’s no actual person you’re talking to
—John
S: 151
T: go an review some copy yourself