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Hey {{first_name|bro}},
Yo reviewing copy again today, drop urs below.
SL: Joel monetized his writing business in 49 days
Bro this SL is super popular but I hate it. I’ve seen this stupid “X GoT rIcH iN 36 hOuRs WiTh tHiS nEw SyStEm!!!”
I don’t blame you it would probably do fine but it’s just one of my pet peeves
PV: Here’s how you can too
%FIRSTNAME%,
Joel, a student of mine, recently earned his first online dollar.
I would word this better because no one cares about a dollar. I know that in this hypothetical he probably made more and it’s a big deal for him because it’s his first dollar but subconsciously it’s saying a dollar… and that's not much. (monkey brain)
The whole monetized thing sounds a bit chat gpt but at least it’s up to interpretation.
Here we know that he probably didn’t make that much because if he did you would’ve said his first thousand or something.
After just 49 days.
If this is for copywriting, that’s a bit long tbh. I’d lighten the blow and say half of that he was learning or something
Or you could say with like an hour a day.
On average, it takes about 6-12 months to do so.
Bro that’s too long even if it’s realistic. No one wants to hear it’s gonna take a year to make their first dollar online
And the catch?
12 months of work, sounds trash
He worked for 3 hours a day while having a 9-5.
Alright getting better but you should’ve put the 3 hours and the 9-5 next to the 49 days
It’ll hook people because they probably have a 9-5
It’ll lighten the blow and get more people to read because they think it’s easy
Better flow you can remove the catch part
I see many people online complaining < use different word about how they:
Don’t get time while having a 9-5
Don’t have the money to start
Feel it’s too risky
Joel felt exactly this way, but he took the ‘risk’.
What did he do? You just named all their objections and then said he “took the risk” what’s the risk? Solve the objections?
I think you could use this as intrigue to get people click the link
But right now it’s pretty much just confusing and weird
And now he’s on his way to becoming a full-time writer and quitting his job in the next 5 months.
You could’ve have chose a better testimonial?
If someone doesn’t even have a half decent testimonial then they’re probably not going to hire you for emails
If you wanna do the same:
Quit your job in the next 6 months
Work only 3-4 hours a day from home, whenever you want
Tune your writing skills into a full-blown machine
GIve me more, make this bullets better. Make it tangable. Use research. More benefit
I recommend you check the 2-hour writer out.
Why is it called the 2 hour writer?
In the 2-hour writer, you get:
Modules teaching you how to write everything- from newsletters to social media posts
Frameworks to generate unlimited ideas
A system which helps you generate a core idea into multiple pieces of content
Mid ahh bullets
And the biggest one?
You get personal guidance from me.
Why would i want that? Who are you? What have you done?
Imagine finally being able to write faster, better and more efficiently.
Imagine driving a lambo to your penhouse with 8 chicks feeding you pasta?
See how you don’t care about writing anymore?
That’s because no one cares about writing faster, they care about making money faster.
You’ll be able to turn your writing skills into a business which could help you quit your 9-5.
Weak ahh clam
Who are you going to buy water from?
You could drink this beer that could help you get less thirsty.
Or…
You’ll feel refreshed after you drink this ice cold beer. (perfect pair with a late night drive)
You can scale up to $15k/m while just working 3-4 hours a day.
Proof? Why should i believe you? Have you done this for anyone?
You’ll enjoy more freedom than you ever did- probably more than your childhood.
Kinda weird but ok..
Waking up whenever you want. Choosing the people you want to work for.
There’s alot better things you get once you’re making 15k a month. Choosing who to work for is probably not at the top of most people’s list.
And earning more than your boss while working less than him.
That’s alright but i feel like you should talk less about the boss they’re going to have and more about the random trips to their tai-land villa
So %FIRSTNAME%, what's the wait for?
Go turn your life around!
Talk soon,
Dan
FINAL NOTES:
Write better bullets
Do better research
Talk about better benefits
—John
S: 173
T: drop it boy