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That’s what I’ve had to keep telling myself.
It’s not that I’m actually fat - I’m not fat (at least I like to think so) it’s that… well let me explain it’ll make things better.
I wake up.
Go for a run.
Get back… and then I’m off to work, scraping leads for outreach.
Then, while I’m working, “hey john…” they to seduce me, but no.
I keep working.
Then I do a call, minds blank the whole time and as soon as it ends…
“heeyyyyy 😉 “
“come here johnnyyy”
NO!
I. MUST. WORK.
I keep working for a bit and then finally…
My lust takes over.
My hands tremble.
I dim the lights.
I grab the cream with one hand…
and with the other, I reach for a thick, gorgeous brown beauty waiting for me on the counter.
I start grinding like my life depends on it.
Some of my cream spills out but I don’t even care…
I just keep grinding…
and finally…
I finish.
Making my cup of coffee and get back to work.
Now today wasn’t that bad tbh, I’ve only had one cup but it takes up so much time having to go to the kitchen… grind my gorgeous coffee beans, put my cream inside, etc., etc.
And last tuesday it was even worse.
I grab the buns.
Give them a squeeze.
Then spread them open nice and wide.
Then i start working it, trying to get my sauce to come out.
I shake it.
I pump it.
I put my whole wrist into it.
And then…
My white sauce finally bursts out everywhere.
I get it all inside those buns…
grab some lettuce and tomato, and boom: My mayo sandwich is ready.
Like it’s so much work to make food and get drinks nowadays. that’s why I’ve decided to just stop eating.
I’ll just work 24/7
Anyways, listen up, twat head. The holidays bring two things:
1 Mariah Carey
2 People trying to suck you dry
I mean, really… they want it all.
They’ll suck… suck… suck… till there’s not a single drop left.
That’s why you’ve got to partner with the correct ad provider so your budget doesn’t get sucked up.
Here’s one of the best (yes, this is for you check out the website):
Shoppers are adding to cart for the holidays
Over the next year, Roku predicts that 100% of the streaming audience will see ads. For growth marketers in 2026, CTV will remain an important “safe space” as AI creates widespread disruption in the search and social channels. Plus, easier access to self-serve CTV ad buying tools and targeting options will lead to a surge in locally-targeted streaming campaigns.
Read our guide to find out why growth marketers should make sure CTV is part of their 2026 media mix.