“Maybe I’ll never find love.”

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Hey {{first_name|bro}},

Reviewing copy again today:

Subject: Why “just be yourself” keeps you single

It’s ok

Hey %Name%,

Don’t be yourself… that’s probably why you’re still single.

You already said this, just detele this line

I used to think that if I was just “myself,” the right woman would eventually like me for who I am.

Nice

But back then, I was shy, awkward, and had zero confidence.

Even when I forced myself to ask a woman out, I got rejected. Over and over.

The formatting sucks but other than that pretty good

It hurt so much that I still remember sitting alone, replaying everything in my head, thinking:

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Am I not attractive enough?”

“Maybe I’ll never find love.”

What I didn’t realize was that “be yourself” only works if you already know how to talk to women and create attraction.

But that wasn’t me. I couldn’t even hold eye contact.

It wasn’t until I stopped listening to that advice and focused on being…

that dating finally started working.

Before this was one big sentence but I made it into bullets so it’s easy to read. (it was really hard to understand before)

I wasn’t overthinking or trying too hard anymore. Sometimes, women even approached me.

Isn’t overthinking and trying too hard the very thing that “being yourself” relieves you of?

I would choose two different things you stopped doing.

Because of how much easier it got, I created a step-by-step coaching system to help men who struggle with women get the same results.

This sentence has too much in it

“It made dating easy, and now I want dating to be easy for you.

That’s why I created a s by s coaching system to help struggling men get results like me.”

But don’t say system that’s over used and don’t say results describe the results in a tangible way.

If you’re ready to finally get women interested and end the year winning in your dating life,

Eh the readability is trash and it’s kinda basic

[Click here and let’s work together.]

See you inside,

Nick

FINAL NOTES:

This should’ve been easy since it’s a dating email.

But it was kinda mid.

The beginning was a strong start. I liked it honestly. I would've clicked on it if I was into dating.

But then you got down to that huge sentence that was worded really weirdly (the one I turned into bullets) and things just went down hill.

You didn’t mention that you’ve done this for anyone else

You didn’t show any pictures or proof or anything that shows you have any credibility or have had success with girls

You basically said “trust me bro”

You didn’t really hit home the benefits of being good at dating. 

You went super basic with the cta and the whole selling part

So here’s my advice: scratch the whole coaching thing and assume the link is going to a VSL where someone else is selling.

Then instead of trying to sell ur coaching, just build intrigue about what you did to get girls within the angle of “not being yourself”

Then put some pictures or proof or just some cred

Then say something like “wanna see how I did it? Click here and I’ll tell you how”

That would make this alot better.

Now for the rating. My rating scale is super harsh and this is a dating email so don’t take it personally but…

4/10

I didn’t want to click on the link and most people would’ve have gotten past those huge sentences.

Peace

—John

S: 174

T: drop your copy for review