"Hey John, could you review my email and upload it in your newsletter, please roast the heck out of it and give me the pros and cons about."

📋 Color Key - What's What:

SL: %FirstName%, Is getting fit truly Boring?

PV: %FirstName%, at the start of your fitness journey you were all motivated…

First thing:
Delete this preview. There's no point in repeating yourself right after the subject line.

%FirstName%, at the start of your fitness journey you were all motivated… Jolly and ready to tank and push any obstacles that were going to get in your way.

The English is off.

"Jolly" is a weird word here.

You say "and" twice.

But it's not the worst start copywriting-wise.

Binge watching Sam Sulek, David Laids, David Goggins for hours, reprogramming your brain to have the same mindset as them. Inner analogue "They don't know me son!"

The inner dialogue is kinda weird.

I think you should just take that out.

A cleaner direction would be:

"Remember when you first started fitness?
Hours of David Goggins, super motivated, ready to push through anything… that was basically your life."

Then reality suddenly hits you like you just got smacked by a flying slipper from your mom.

I get the analogy, but it's weird here and doesn't really fit the tone.

The dopamine that you were getting stimulated from binge watching your favourite fitness influencers dissipates.

All the drive that you were having from a few moments ago. Gone.

You realize that you are all by yourself.

Bro - I don't really get what's going on here.

You rushed this transition too fast.

You either need to:

Every gym set that you hit, you exhale, not just from the intensiveness
But from the stress, emotionally burned-out and the void that you feel in your chest that disguised as boredom..

What does this mean?

%FirstName& that's not it

This is straight-up broken formatting.

You need to start socializing, man. Humans are built for connection, you're not meant to sit alone all day binge-watching gym edits with insane phonk while your favorite influencer crushes PRs.

The flow is off.

Also - you still aren't following IPS (Identify → Problem → Solution).

You're jumping all over the place instead of walking the reader through a clear emotional sequence.

That stuff might hype you for a minute, but it doesn't build muscle.

Training around real people does.

No it doesn't.

When you're in the gym with others, their energy raises your intensity, their progress pushes your progress, and even a simple spot can turn a missed rep into a new PR.

Socializing isn't a distraction, it's part of the grind.

This is AI-sounding motivational filler.

"It's not this, it's that."

Generic. Predictable. Zero proof.

(I cut some fluff here that was basically more of the same.)

Also: This email is way too long. Way too much fluff.

But if you are one of the people who have the social skills as a sloth (btw they have extremely limited social behavior and almost no vocal communication).

Incorrect grammar.

Weird analogy.

You can't interrupt your persuasion with random animal facts.

Then just join the free community where you can find people who actually have done the same work as your fav influencer but instead of binge watching edits of them like a certain someone *cough* cough.

This is bad because:

• You're insulting the reader right before asking them to click
• You still haven't made the offer clear
• You haven't built enough desire to earn the CTA

Then click this link wewewewewewewew

No framing. No reason. No urgency. No clarity.

PS: If you don't have any difficulties with socialising with other people i still recommend you to join the free community, you never know you might find people who think the same as you and get connections.

This weakens the entire pitch.

You just spent the whole email arguing that they need this…

Then end with: "Eh, maybe join. You never know."

1. No Clear Emotional Through-Line

You jump from:

• Motivation
• To loneliness
• To boredom
• To social advice
• To community pitch

None of it flows as a single emotional journey.

2. Broken IPS Structure

You attempted:

• Identify the problem
• Propose solution
• Solve

But you never clearly lock in:

• One main pain
• One clear mechanism
• One compelling outcome

3. Way Too Much Fluff

There's:

• Motivational filler
• Generic influencer talk
• AI-sounding "grind" statements
• Random analogies

All of it bloats the email and kills momentum.

4. Weak, Confusing CTA