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Hey {{first_name|bro}},
Have you been REALLY thirsty recently?
Like so extremely thirsty that you can barely survive because of how bad your thirst is?
Well if so, that’s probably effected your ability to…
connect with your family the right way
live
hang out with your friends
And I get it, you just don’t want to die from thirst because surviving is pretty cool and all.
But everything you tried didn’t work…
all the reels you scrolled failed
all the breaths you took just gave you air
and all the chocolate you ate just made things mildly worse but it’s chocolate, so yummy!
What if I told you that you didn’t have to die of thirst?
Introducing…
The All New Super Special Awesome Easy-to-Use Best and Safest Mineral Aqueous Beverage 9001!
If you pay just a small payment of 5 million pennies in the next 36123123120497242304 seconds then you can have one-half of chance of a coin flip to decide whether or not we actually send anything to you.
Time is running out… don’t miss out on this special bonus sale!
{{first_name}}, do you know why this email is terrible?
It’s because it’s using emotion for a product—water—that has no emotional ties to anyone.
If you don’t understand click here to watch a british man yell at you for a few minutes
—John
S: 138
T: click on one